I'm back

Hi Everyone,

I have been away for a while and have returned to connect, share and generally keep you up to date with my comings and goings. I'm shifting my oeuvre for this blog, to being more holistic. Hang on it will be a fun ride!

I've been inspired lately by the things around me. I love making things. Lately I've bee making things from other things. Let me explain. My father showed me a beautiful old ski sweater of my mother's that had been shrunken and moth eaten. He wanted to know if I wanted it. I took it of course, and thought for a while before I started playing with it. I pulled it apart (at the seams) and cut it up to make a little sweater jacket for a my little grandson. He is the one modeling the sweater jacket. (It's still a little big.) It was fun and engaging as I had to really think how it was all going to come together.



Next post I will share another project of "upcycling". Share with me what you have been doing.

Integration

This week I was interviewed for a new job. Until recently I have usually secured employment through friends or acquaintances. And sometimes I have played out my "Little Red Hen" scenario, meaning, if you have forgotten her story, "I'll do it myself". Which when translated into work and a career means I have started several of my own entrepreneurial businesses.

I have not had a lot of practice going to interviews. It is a study in understanding who you are meeting and being firmly connected to who you are. Lately all over the web I have read that if you don't brand yourself others will. A very wise woman by the name of Mary Rosenbaum posted this recently "Living the authentic you in all you do is what personal branding is all about." I have taken this on as my mantra.

This week I went to an interview armed with my research into the company, and the people interviewing me with a sense of curiosity. Of course there is always the "will they like me?" niggling in the background, but foremost for me was how could I be of service to these people and this company. After the lunch and the goodbyes, I could not help but reflect on a particular issue that was brought up at lunch.

The issue was accountability. How does one garner accountability from others, and make it a safe place to explore, seeing it as an opportunity. Does one exemplify it oneself hoping that your example will be ample proof that it is something that is worthwhile? Or do you assign tasks with milestones and clear goals, leaving little room for the experience of choice? Maybe it’s all of these. I have not had success in making anyone "be" accountable, they either are or they are not. I have learned that being accountable is a wonderful opportunity, and yes I have had some spectacular belly flops, and on the other hand, some marvelous successes. I’ll take accountability any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Stealing stories

I have stories that I carry around and use when appropriate, like seasonings for conversations. Some of them I have over used like salt, and some are precious and stored akin to saffron. The other day I heard one of my precious stories used and told by a stranger. It felt like someone stole my story.

Now I started to wonder, why do I think that this is my story? Did it happen to me, or is it something I keep inside to treasure, and horde for possible future use? Can someone else tell your stories better than you? What really bothered me was that the tellers and the listeners were sharing it as if they had lived this story and it was theirs.

I have thought about this for some time now delaying this post to give myself the time needed to understand the distinction between what happened and what I was feeling. Where I have come to be that there are precious stories and there are common ones too. However all stories are by nature released out into the world once anyone tells it the first time.

So tell my stories and I will share yours. Tell me your most precious story if you dare!

Intuition or Impulse?

As a child I operated mostly on intuition. I felt my way through my early years. At a certain point in time, I started to doubt my inner voice and began to listen to the world around me. Over time, the outer world became louder and I stopped listening, except upon occasion to my intuition. Years passed and I got by, it seemed that listening to what others thought and being guided by that was what one should do.

I became impulsive and tried to push the invisible barrier between my outer world, my inner world and me. What I know now is that the louder one becomes the more silent and suppressed the inner voice becomes. I tried shock, surprise and impulsiveness to see how far I could go. I went a long way.

I lost my center. I became someone I did not recognize. I had mistaken impulsiveness and the thrill it brought for being in touch. So I started down the pathway determined to learn how to listen again.

Sometimes I think I am ADD, I can't concentrate for more than a few seconds, and the listening seems so foreign. Now with some practice and quiet, I can sometimes hear that inner voice. It is still very quiet and sometimes silent, but I do know the difference between impulse and intuition, between the outer and the inner. It’s not about one or the other it is about integration.

Father's Day

Dear Dad,

You have always been there for me whether I knew it or not. You always wanted the best for me whether I knew it or not. You watched me grow up, rebel, get married, have chidren of my own and eventually get divorced. You have watched me swallow some hard pills and do spectacular belly flops out in the world. And still you have never wavered from your view of me. When I am with you I feel that I can do anything, that you will listen to any story silly story or esaay I have written and you nod with wisdom when I have shared a heartbreak. And you have recently taken on the role of mother and father to us, your grown children since mom can no longer be that for us.

Of all the things you have taught me, it is through your actions that have been the biggest lesson. I see you as the embodiment of love in action; a promise given is not taken back because it is hard or frightening. You have shown me what integrity is, not by talking about it but by being it.

Thank you for the lessons you have given me, I have received them.

Your loving daughter,

A mother's Love

Most of us have had it, and most of us still want it. We give it to our own children if we have them, and to our animal friends and human friends too. How does one describe a Mothers Love? My mother ironed my shoelaces. And underwear, and baby blankets. You get the picture. This was how my mother expressed her love to me.

My mother was not a physically demonstrative person. In our family we didn't hug and cuddle each other. This is something I have not passed down to my own children. I cuddle with them; I touch them, even to their embarrassment. My own mother is in her twilight years this lack of physical closeness has affected me in an interesting way. I find that I want to keep my distance from her.

It is not that I am not there for her, I am, but in a more impersonal way. I make sure that she gets the best food, has flowers in the house and her house is kept clean. This in some ways is what she did for me; it is my version of ironing the shoelaces. I think that I am afraid to get too close, since she is leaving. My mother has dementia, and her mind is leaving this world, slowly gradually, but leaving and not coming back.

So do I take the risk and hug her and get close even though we all know what the end of the story looks like? Or shall I paly it safe like I always have? As a Project Manager I look at the risks and then make a pathway towards the goal. Being with my mother, and comforting her in these declining years is why I am here, I'm going to take the risk. I'll keep you posted.

Customer Service Anyone?

Recently I have been having trouble with my Uverse, at+t's newest offering. I live in a beautiful old house in a quiet neighborhood. I live near a large city and you would think that having troubles with your phone, Internet and TV would be a thing of the past. Not so.

I have documented over 30 calls to at+t and have had 16 specialty techs come over and try to find out what is happening. I have been told that maybe a squirrel ate through the wire. Really? Or that when there is rain it can jumble the lines. What does this mean? I have also been told that maybe we are in the shadow of a radio frequency that disturbs the fiber optics. What?

So about customer service. Every call I have made to at+t has been handled with courtesy and friendliness. They always apologize for the troubles I am having and sympathize with me. The techs are nice men and women who work hard and do their best to fix the problem. However the problem still exists, I still have dropped calls, frozen TV screens and no internet at odd times in the day. And although I am being "served" am I getting service?

Somehow at+t has separated these two, thinking that since I have been treated with kindness that I should be happy. At this point I just want the "service" to do its job with or without the nice "service agents". Were they there at 10:45 PM when I was watching Hawaii Five O last night, and the TV froze when they arrested the cute agent? No! I'm thinking of going back to the old system, forget the nice graphics and promises so I can watch a whole show or talk to my kids without having to apologize for the fact that my phone dropped their call again.
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