Intuition or Impulse?

As a child I operated mostly on intuition. I felt my way through my early years. At a certain point in time, I started to doubt my inner voice and began to listen to the world around me. Over time, the outer world became louder and I stopped listening, except upon occasion to my intuition. Years passed and I got by, it seemed that listening to what others thought and being guided by that was what one should do.

I became impulsive and tried to push the invisible barrier between my outer world, my inner world and me. What I know now is that the louder one becomes the more silent and suppressed the inner voice becomes. I tried shock, surprise and impulsiveness to see how far I could go. I went a long way.

I lost my center. I became someone I did not recognize. I had mistaken impulsiveness and the thrill it brought for being in touch. So I started down the pathway determined to learn how to listen again.

Sometimes I think I am ADD, I can't concentrate for more than a few seconds, and the listening seems so foreign. Now with some practice and quiet, I can sometimes hear that inner voice. It is still very quiet and sometimes silent, but I do know the difference between impulse and intuition, between the outer and the inner. It’s not about one or the other it is about integration.