Father's Day

Dear Dad,

You have always been there for me whether I knew it or not. You always wanted the best for me whether I knew it or not. You watched me grow up, rebel, get married, have chidren of my own and eventually get divorced. You have watched me swallow some hard pills and do spectacular belly flops out in the world. And still you have never wavered from your view of me. When I am with you I feel that I can do anything, that you will listen to any story silly story or esaay I have written and you nod with wisdom when I have shared a heartbreak. And you have recently taken on the role of mother and father to us, your grown children since mom can no longer be that for us.

Of all the things you have taught me, it is through your actions that have been the biggest lesson. I see you as the embodiment of love in action; a promise given is not taken back because it is hard or frightening. You have shown me what integrity is, not by talking about it but by being it.

Thank you for the lessons you have given me, I have received them.

Your loving daughter,

A mother's Love

Most of us have had it, and most of us still want it. We give it to our own children if we have them, and to our animal friends and human friends too. How does one describe a Mothers Love? My mother ironed my shoelaces. And underwear, and baby blankets. You get the picture. This was how my mother expressed her love to me.

My mother was not a physically demonstrative person. In our family we didn't hug and cuddle each other. This is something I have not passed down to my own children. I cuddle with them; I touch them, even to their embarrassment. My own mother is in her twilight years this lack of physical closeness has affected me in an interesting way. I find that I want to keep my distance from her.

It is not that I am not there for her, I am, but in a more impersonal way. I make sure that she gets the best food, has flowers in the house and her house is kept clean. This in some ways is what she did for me; it is my version of ironing the shoelaces. I think that I am afraid to get too close, since she is leaving. My mother has dementia, and her mind is leaving this world, slowly gradually, but leaving and not coming back.

So do I take the risk and hug her and get close even though we all know what the end of the story looks like? Or shall I paly it safe like I always have? As a Project Manager I look at the risks and then make a pathway towards the goal. Being with my mother, and comforting her in these declining years is why I am here, I'm going to take the risk. I'll keep you posted.